|Season 1, Episode 2|
|Air date||January 23, 2004|
|Written by||Evan Gore, Heather Lombard|
|Directed by||Howy Parkins|
Lula's old owner, Argon The Ageless, comes to town and Lula wants to find some way of getting him to come back to her.
- Dave: Look what I bought! It lets you listen to music wherever you go! They call it: a walkminstrel!
- Walkminstrel: [Singing badly] My love is like a red, red rose, but she doesn't smell as good...
- Dave: What is it!? A spider!? Is something burning!? Is it on me!? I don't see it! Is it invisible!? Are invisible spiders crawling on me and burning!?
- [Lula reminisces about her first barbarian.]
- Lula: We were great together, like mayonnaise and... more mayonnaise... So I like mayonnaise, so what!?
- [Lula speaks to Argon]
- Argon: You're that one... sword, right?
- [In a flashback where Argon leaves Lula, Argon builds a snowman and uses Lula as the snowman's nose.]
- Argon: Woah, rockin' snowman!
- Storyteller: Yae, Lula's love still burns with the heat of one hundred suns, and Argon's love for Lula burns with the heat of... not... any... suns... at all.
- [The cast tries to comfort Lula after she finds out Argon has a new sword]
- Fang: Ah, the guy's a weenie. You deserve better, Lula.
- Candy: Yeah, and I thought his new sword looked kinda cheap.
- Dave: Seriously, that tight scabbard left nothing to the imagination.
- Candy: This is my secret princess cute and fuzzy chamber of peace.
- Candy: Okay, so we'll skip to the girliest of girly things: manipulating boys. [Pulls out "Barbarian Teen Magazine"] In my hands, I hold the key to winning Argon's heart. An article in Barbarian Teen Magazine.
- Lula: "How to Bag Your Buff Barbarian Beef Boy." Classy.
- [Argon comes to Castle Udrogoth to ask for Lula back.]
- Lula: Dave, here's my two weeks notice. I quit as of two weeks ago. See ya!
- Storyteller: Meanwhile, without his sword, Dave is feeling a bit naked.
- Fang: [Pulling a curtain that Dave is hiding behind] Dave, quit acting naked!
- Enchanted toothbrush: Arrr! I'm waging a war on cavities!
- Enchanted toothbrush: Don't forget to brush the tongue! Everybody forgets to brush the tongue!
- [Dave, in disguise, delivers a fake sword to Argon]
- Dave: Special delivery for, um, Mr. Ageless.
- Argon: Who's it, like, from?
- Dave: [Voice cracking] The queen! Of... Queen... Land.
- [Lula tries to get Argon to forget about the fake sword]
- Argon: Beat it you hunk of tin! I got a shiny, pointy, new sword!
- Lula: We've had a little fun with dental hygiene today, but it's no laughing matter.
- Dave: So be sure to brush and floss after every meal. Otherwise, evil tooth decay goblins will move into your mouth and play loud polka music day and night.
- Lula: Thanks for listening, and remember [shouting] stay in school!