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Mrs. Gert Bogmelon is a witch-like shopkeeper who loves money and loves to rip off her customers. She can be cowed by Fang and other aggressive people but takes advantage of meek people like Dave. She sells evil weasels, mystical swords, and other plot-related paraphernalia, such as used T-shirts for sporting events. Her catchphrases are "Are you looking for something, darling?" and "We got that!".

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