|Season 1, Episode 1 (2/2|
|Air date||January 23, 2004|
|Written by|| David Warick|
|Directed by||Howy Parkins|
The Maddening Sprite of the Stump
Dave believes helping others is his whole purpose in life and starts giving out advice as a "psychofloobicologist", later giving advice to Quosmir.
- [In the Great Indoor Marketplace Dave approaches a clerk at "Ye Sick People Shop" for advice.]
- Sales Clerk: Eh, I just do holes and leeches. If you want advice, I guess you could read one of those self-help scrolls... but they're all written by crackpots and weirdos.
- Dave: Crackpots and weirdos!? Count me in!
- Dave: At last! I know my purpose in life: to help people! And to do that, I must become... A psychofloobicologist!
- Quozmir: Who dares wake Quozmir, Udrogothian god of overused punctuation!? Whoever it is, he shall pay... um, or she.
- [Psychofloobicologist Dave has just asked Quozmir why he must destroy the earth.]
- Quozmir: Why? You know, I never really thought about it before. Why must I destroy? Why do I feel such rage? Why do I persist in doing this atrocious combover, when I'm obviously balding. I mean, seriously, who am I fooling?
- [Quozmir has just purchased two wheels of cheese at the Great Indoor Marketplace, in part of his flaming-loogie-spitting rampage]
- Oswidge: Not the Cheese!
- Candy: What's the big deal?
- Oswidge: Cheese produces phlegm.
- Candy: And?
- Oswidge: And if the cheese creates more phlegm, that means bigger flaming loogies!
- Candy: And?
- Oswidge: Look, I'm going to put this in terms you can understand: he could destroy all the shopping!
- Candy: [gasps] Not on my watch!
- Candy: Why are you stoping me, that' guy's a menace to shopping! Besides, if he ate all that cheese, it'd go straight to his hips.
- Dave: We will use the mightiest weapon in the psychofloobicologist's arsenal: Happycrafts!
- [Candy attempts to calm Quozmir's rage by reuniting him with his mom]
- Quozmir's mom: Huh, he never calls, he never writes, I ask you: is this the way for a son to act?
- Quozmir's mom: Herbert, what do you say we destroy the northern half of the continent, huh?
- Fang: I love a happy ending!
- Candy: Happy ending? They're gonna destroy half a continent!
- Fang: Yeah, but not the half we live in.
- Candy: Good point.