|Season 1, Episode 5|
|Air date||January 23, 2004|
|Written by||Ralph Soll|
|Directed by||Howy Parkins|
King for a Day or Two
Fang's barbarian idol, Strom the Slayer, arrives in town to slay an unsuspecting Faffy, so the barbarians must do whatever it takes to keep Faffy safe.
- Storyteller: Throughout history, there have been many great barbarian heroes: Kronkaz the Smasher, Mortaad the Ridiculer-
- Mortaad: Hey! Pizza face!
- Storyteller: Sheebor, the Stomper on Things Until They're Squished Into Mushy Paste-
- Sheebor: Ha! Are you paste yet?
- Flat Ugly Monster: Not... Quite.
- Storyteller: These mighty heroes have been honored in the most ancient and venerable of old art forms.
- Fang: One pack of Famous Barbarian Trading Cards, please. [Shouting.] Or I'll crush you like a grape!
- Fang: Now, I've got Strom's trading card, and action figure, and poster, and lunch box, and board game, complete table setting, snow globe, his official biography, his unofficial biography, his officially unofficial biography, and his new-and-improved super-deluxe monkey warmer!
- Monkey [lying in a wooden hot tub with Strom's picture on it] Is it hot in here, or is it me?
- Strom: I'm here to slay the dragon, people! [Cow moos.] You know, big scaly monster? Fangs? Wings? Been terrorizing you for years?
- [Ms. Bogmelon describes Faffy, Dave's dragon.]
- Bogmelon: It's more of a dumb, little, flyin' potato or somethin'.
- [Candy teaches Faffy the martial art of "Tae Kwon Don't."]
- Candy: It's not as good for fighting as Tae Kwon Do, but it's great for firming the buttocks.
- Fang: Strom the Slayer has slain griffins, and basilisks, and manticores. He's slain so much stuff it's amazing anything's still alive! He is exactly what I want to be when I grow up.
- Strom: So, there's eight or ten girls back home, and then maybe... twenty or thirty on the road?
- Candy: So... you're saying you're single?
- [Strom points out that the book Dave is holding is smoking.]
- Dave: Ye-e-es, yes, it's a filthy habit, but I can't get it to stop.
- [Strom guesses Fang is a human (who is normally mistaken for a monkey)]
- Fang: [In awe.] He guessed my species...
- [Strom takes out his axe to slay Faffy.]
- Fang: Oooh, the Legendary Golden Tri-Axe! And here comes his famous battle cry!
- Strom: [Screaming.] Valim-Valee!
- Fang: Okay, the battle cry isn't all that great. But the axe is cool!
- Dave: I'm highly allergic to being chopped up!
- [Uncle Oswidge casts a magic spell, which is reflected back to him and Candy and turns them into centipedes.]
- Candy: Do you have any idea what this is gonna cost me in shoes?
- Dave: Could we move to another part of the castle? I'm running out of things to hide behind!
- [Dave questions why Strom has stopped trying to slay him.]
- Strom: Obviously you've never touched a monkey. It's kind of addicting.
- Storyteller: And thus did Fang learn, that even the greatest hero can be a-
- Fang: Weenie.
- [Dave looks at the new card added to the Famous Barbarian Trading Cards collection.]
- Dave: "Dave the Hider Behind Things"? Oh, that's not a flattering picture at all.